Wasting my time
by ladybugg
Summary: Wolverine left her standing at the alter, so find out exactly how Jubilee feels about that.
1. Default Chapter

Wasting my time  
  
Author's Note: The song belongs to a group named Default. The song is entitled "Wasting my time." It's a cool Cd, so check it out. When I first heard this song, I knew exactly how I was going to use it in my next fic. So here's the story, I hope you guys like it.  
  
Disclaimer: Marvel characters not mine; song doesn't belong to me either. Just read the thing already.  
  
  
  
I don't want to see you waiting,  
  
I've already gone too far away.  
  
I still can't keep the day from ending,  
  
No more messed up reasons for me to stay  
  
  
  
Logan was riding the Harley bike that he stole from Scott, after he left the mansion. He loved the bike, and everyone at the mansion knew that he would return the bike unscathed. On the other hand he wasn't too sure about that. He rode the bike dressed up in an all black tuxedo, with the white collared shirt that displayed his black bow quite nicely.  
  
He wasn't one for suits and ties, so he unsheathed one single metal claw, and he sliced the bow in half. Tears gathered in his eyes, dried too soon by the rush of the wind. He wanted the tears to stay, so that he would know that his pain was real.  
  
1 Well this is not for real  
  
Afraid to feel  
  
I just hit the floor  
  
Don't ask for more  
  
He knew that he was running away again. He had no choice. Things were going great, but he just had to rush things. Maybe if he'd waited then he wouldn't be crying these tears now. He hated that he waited so late to make his decision to leave. He planned to stay away, because he really doubted the fact that he could ever return. Return to what? Scorn, hate, sheer loneness. No he wouldn't be able to go back, not this time.  
  
  
  
2 I'm wasting my time,  
  
3 I'm wasting my time  
  
4 You can't drop the feeling  
  
There is no reason  
  
Just make the call,  
  
And take it all again  
  
Oh again.  
  
He hated that he left without so much as a word, but he left a note to the one person that it would matter to most. He had to say goodbye, and deep in his heart he knew the truth. He knew that he was a coward. He was never afraid of anything in his life, but here he was running away again. Whenever something scares him, he runs away like a coward. He should be strong, but he keeps worrying what his friends would say. What would Jean say? Truth be told, he still wondered about what she thought. Did he still love her in some way? No he had decided a long time ago that he didn't, but what she thought of him still affected him in some way. What about the others? What did they think, especially her. What did she think? Hot tears continued pouring from his eyes, and he could feel his heart literally breaking.  
  
  
  
Months went by with us pretending,  
  
When did our light turn from green to red  
  
I took a chance and left you standing  
  
Lost the will to do this once again.  
  
  
  
He had to turn around. He couldn't leave her like that. He couldn't stand to hurt her, anymore than he could stand to hurt himself. It was like a piece of himself was missing, and knowing that with every growing day he would become lost within himself, if she wasn't a part of his life. It's common to make mistakes, but he was determined not to make the biggest mistake of his life. So he turned the Harley around, and went back in the direction that he'd just come from. He turned around to go back home, to his life and to his love.  
  
5 Well this is not for real  
  
Afraid to feel  
  
I just hit the floor  
  
Don't ask for more  
  
  
  
He hated feeling like this, so unsure. Unsure of what the future had in store. It would be a gamble to turn back now, but the doubts were trying to settle back into his mind. He wanted to leave, but he had already turned around to a destiny that still had to be fulfilled. Yeah going back was going to be a gamble, but this was a gamble that he was going to win. So he promised himself that there would be no more running away.  
  
  
  
6 I'm wasting my time  
  
I'm wasting my time  
  
You can't drop the feeling  
  
There is no reason  
  
Just make the call  
  
And take it all  
  
I'm wasting my time  
  
I'm wasting my time again  
  
Oh again.  
  
He was wasting time, the thing started hours ago. He was late, and he didn't want everyone to leave yet. Not until. He pressed on the handlebars, and he headed toward the uncertainty. He would be a coward no longer; he was determined to be a man. There's no more time to waste. Time waits for no man. Home is just around the corner. He sees the mansion, which is caked with decorations and flowers. He's finally made it home.  
  
  
  
I see you waiting,  
  
Look so lonely  
  
I see you waiting  
  
I see you waiting…  
  
There she is, as beautiful as a summer day. She's all dressed in white, with a bouquet of flowers in her hands. God, I always thought she was beautiful, and she's waiting for me. Why me? I don't deserve somebody so pure and lovely. I've done things that I should be ashamed of, like think about Jean on our wedding day. She deserves better, someone much better than me. I was so lost in thought that I hadn't even noticed that she was now looking at me. Her eyes so blue, were masked in tears of pain. I was the cause of that. Me. I hated myself right then and there. I hated what I had become, which was a coward. Which is what I am, and it took Jubilee to make me realize that.  
  
7 Well this is not for real  
  
Afraid to feel  
  
I just hit the floor  
  
Don't ask for more  
  
I took a look into my lover's eyes, and I could see that there was an understanding in them. So I jumped back on my bike, and started the engine. I will always love her, but I will always be a coward as well. I will always be afraid to feel the love that she wanted to give to me. I would always be the one thing that she said that I'd never be. I proved her wrong, because I am afraid. I finally found the one thing in this world that can truly frighten me.  
  
8 I'm wasting my time  
  
I'm wasting my time  
  
You can't drop the feeling  
  
There is no reason  
  
Just take the call and  
  
Take it all  
  
I'm wasting my time  
  
I'm wasting my time again  
  
Oh again.  
  
As I rode away again, I heard her soft cries. They were like daggers to my ears. Breaking the promise, I left without even looking back. As I left I heard her voice, and she said the one thing that I needed to hear. The one thing that I would carry to my grave.  
  
"But I love you."  
  
  
  
Still I rode away. Not as a man, but as a coward. 


	2. Deny

1 Deny  
  
Author's Note: The song belongs to a group named Default. The song is entitled Deny. It fit so well with this fic that I decided to add it to my story. Originally I was going to end this story without adding more to it. Then I thought that we get Jubilee's P.O.V. for this story, and no Wolverine didn't marry Jean in the last story. Sorry but no. Enjoy. T he part where she says that's she's not going through no more hard times or bad times, is from a song called she got papers on me. (I think.) I don't know who sings it though. I've been having problems uploading this thing, so just ignore the numbers in the story. It's not supposed to be there.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Marvel. The song belongs to Default. The imagination belongs to me. Anybody got a problem with that. By the way check out some of my other stories, and tell me what you think.  
  
Today I woke up,  
  
And you were gone.  
  
The whole day wondering  
  
What I did wrong.  
  
It's like I'm falling from  
  
A mountaintop.  
  
My heart keeps pounding  
  
And it won't stop.  
  
  
  
Jubilee had waited for hours for him to show up. Then when he finally did, he did the one thing that he has always have. He ran away. It was something I she should've been used to by now, but the fact that it was our wedding made that fact a little harder to bear. She hated herself, because she kept thinking about what their life would've been like together, as husband and wife. Now that's all that that remained, was the thoughts and regrets. Did he not love me? Did he love me too much, where the very thought of marrying me was inconceivable. She would've never walked away, because she had always loved him. She never would've have done anything to hurt him. Ever. Yet, that's the exact thing that he did. So maybe he didn't really love her. Now she feared that she was never going to know the answer.  
  
1.1  
  
1.2 Can you see this hell I'm living  
  
I'm not giving up.  
  
  
  
She was determined to find out why he had left her standing all alone, on their wedding day. Sure he left a rinky dinky letter, that didn't say very much. She picked up the letter, and reread it.  
  
Dear Jubilee:  
  
Please forgive me once again, but I can't do this. It's not because I don't love you, because I do. You have always been a special lady to me, I just don't know if I'm strong enough for your love. Forgive me for being so weak, but you deserve so much better, and I know that I'm not it. You'll always hold a special place in my heart.  
  
  
  
With Love,  
  
Logan.  
  
When she finished reading the letter, she balled it up and threw it in the trash. What did he mean by saying that he didn't know if he was strong enough for my love. What kind crap was that? It was something that had stung like a bug bite, and made her mad enough to throw a vase across the room. Damn him for being so selfish. It always had to be about him. Why? Why did he have to always think about himself?  
  
  
  
Will you crawl to me  
  
Will you fall with me  
  
1.2.1 I'll never crawl to you  
  
1.3 I've done it all for you  
  
  
  
  
  
She had determined that she was going to be strong. Everybody in this mansion was treating her like she was fragile or something. She was determined that she was going to prove them wrong. So what if Logan had decided that for whatever reason, that he didn't want to marry her. So what. Sure it had hurt, but she was a strong woman. She wasn't about to let this tear her down, or break her apart. She was stronger than that. She also decided that she wasn't going to be the one running back to him. He ran away, so if he wanted to come back, he'd have to be the one running for a change.  
  
I'm not going through no more hard times or bad times, because I can do badly all by myself All by myself. He just used my life up, used my body up, and used all my time up. I don't even know what to say about him leaving. In a sense it was sickening, but it felt like a burden has been lifted off of my chest. At least now I don't have to worry about when he was going to leave me, to pursue Jean again. No more worries. No more fights. No more tears. It was over as far as she was concerned. Even if he did decide to come back, she doubted that she would take him back with open arms. Forgiveness would be a long time coming for Wolvie. No, not Wolvie, but Logan.  
  
1.4  
  
1.5  
  
1.6 Well don't deny  
  
1.6.1 The hand that feeds you, needs you  
  
Oh! God I'd die to try to  
  
Finally please you.  
  
  
  
There was not one thing that she could think of, that she hadn't done for him.  
  
I was always there for him, and I never let him down. Yet he decided that I wasn't any good for him. I mean what makes a person less of a person? What don't I have that other women have? He did marry Viper a while back. What did she have that I didn't have? Sure she blackmailed him, but I would never scoop so low. Then again if I had, maybe I would've been married by now. Then again I'd never been that type of person. I think that I've tried everything I could, to make our relationship work. I don't think that I could've tried any harder. However, Logan made his choice, and I made mine. I'm moving on. No more regrets. No looking back. For the day he walked away, was the day I stopped waiting.  
  
1.7  
  
1.8  
  
1.9 There goes a piece of me  
  
Will I cease to be  
  
1.10 I've never lied to you  
  
Fought, bled, and died for you.  
  
  
  
I've wasted so much time by his side, and fighting evildoers just so that he wouldn't get hurt. How many scars do I have, scars that I got while saving him? It's easy for him to forget all of his scars, because they heal right after he gets them. So what does he have to show his sacrifice that he has made for me? He has nothing, nothing that will help him to remember. Maybe everything that I have ever done for him, has all been in vain. I wonder if he feels the same thing?  
  
1.11  
  
1.12 Well don't deny  
  
1.12.1 The hand that takes you, breaks you  
  
1.12.2 Oh! God I'd try to  
  
Finally please you  
  
  
  
It's all over, and she walked out of her bedroom, and headed to the kitchen. She was hungry, and there was a box of sugar bombs that was waiting for her. Her mood was steadily getting better by the minute, until she passed his old room. Her feelings came rushing back to her, and she fell to her knees and began crying. How can a man you love more than anything in the world, not love you back. So she cried.  
  
  
  
There she goes  
  
And I'm on the ground  
  
I'm on the ground  
  
I'm on the ground  
  
  
  
She cried, and she cried.  
  
1.13  
  
1.14  
  
1.15  
  
1.16 There she goes  
  
1.17 And I'm on the ground  
  
1.18 I'm on the ground  
  
I'm on the…  
  
  
  
  
  
Then it was over. She stood back on her feet. She glanced into his darkened room and pushed the door open wider. He was gone, and he was not coming back, but she was not going to grieve forever. She kissed her fingertips, and placed them on Logan's old door.  
  
"Goodbye Logan."  
  
She turned from his room, and walked downstairs with a new outlook on life. She was positive that her life was going to go on, without Logan in it. To her that wasn't a bad thing. It was a good thing.  
  
1.19  
  
1.20  
  
1.21 Well don't deny  
  
1.22 The hand that feeds you, needs you  
  
Oh! God I'd die to try to  
  
Finally please you.  
  
1.23  
  
1.24  
  
1.25  
  
1.26 She went into the dining room, and everyone looked up at her expectantly. She smiled because she knew that they would all be there if she ever needed a friend. She grabbed a box of cereal of the icebox and poured herself a bowl. She sat down at the table, which was a little too quiet for her taste.  
  
"So did anybody manage to tape the Lakers game, by any chance? I missed it yesterday, because of the whole wedding thing. Please tell me that my entire weekend wasn't ruined?"  
  
Everyone burst out laughing, glad that their little firecracker still had that special little spark that made her unique.  
  
"Remy taped it petite."  
  
"Great."  
  
The rest of the meal went with laughter, and good conversation. Life would go on.  
  
1.27  
  
1.28  
  
1.29  
  
1.30 Will you crawl to me  
  
1.31 Will you fall with me  
  
1.32 I've never crawled to you  
  
1.33 I've done it all for you  
  
  
  
Jubilee did the best that she could, and now she was going to try her best to get on with her life, without Logan in it. Even though she has, and she will always love him. 


End file.
